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12 Giftmas Nopes

Christmas has twelve days–at least, according to the song it does–so I thought I’d do you the favor of sharing 12 Giftmas nopes (presents you really want nothing to do with. Here you go:

1. The Tom Hiddleston Sex Pillow. Also available in Cumberbatch.

2. A belly button brush. For the disgusting Pig Pen in your life.

3. A farting Santa butt to hang on your tree.

4. Generic “Weener Kleener” Soap. I assume it has that name because of the shape. “Fits most men!”

5. Real nightvision goggles for kids. Only someone desperate to be the “cool aunt/cool uncle” would buy this, especially if they wanted to be cut out of their siblings’ will.

6. A hot pink rabbit fur poncho.

7. A single blue-raspberry flavored Gummi Bear that weighs five pounds. In case you want to spend months gnawing on something vaguely bear-cub shaped.

8. A goatee-shaving template. Don’t bother pointing out that it’s actually a Van Dyke. That battle’s lost.

9. A Unisex Adult The Big Lebowski The Dude Wig and Beard Kit. In case your loved one has too much pride to use a shaving template.

10. A Nose Shower Gel Dispenser. For people who want to imagine themselves rubbing snot all over their bodies.

11. A coffee mug shaped like a toilet bowl. For loved ones trying to quit coffee.

12. Shittens. Not a typo.

Be honest now. You’re tempted by the pink rabbit fur poncho, aren’t you?

Mirrored from Twenty Palaces. You can comment here but not there.

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Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
megazver
Dec. 9th, 2013 02:41 pm (UTC)
I thought the Shittens would be a set of kitten-shaped plastic forms for making shit kittens out of your feces.

I am disappointed.
burger_eater
Dec. 9th, 2013 04:20 pm (UTC)
I don't know. There's a market opportunity for you there.

Just don't tell me about it.
megazver
Dec. 9th, 2013 04:53 pm (UTC)
But I've already sent you samples...
burger_eater
Dec. 9th, 2013 05:09 pm (UTC)
-__-
mizkit
Dec. 9th, 2013 02:58 pm (UTC)
somehow that wasn't what I envisioned with the Hiddleston Sex Pillow.
burger_eater
Dec. 9th, 2013 04:20 pm (UTC)
I went by the name that Chris Sims (aka @theisb) gave it on Twitter.
martianmooncrab
Dec. 9th, 2013 08:04 pm (UTC)
the Kidlet would go for the fur poncho, but it must have skulls all over it too....
burger_eater
Dec. 10th, 2013 06:28 pm (UTC)
There's your million dollar idea.
martianmooncrab
Dec. 10th, 2013 08:12 pm (UTC)
*real* skulls... grin.
mariannelee
Dec. 9th, 2013 10:22 pm (UTC)
My tastes are so low... ROFL I want several of those items.
burger_eater
Dec. 10th, 2013 06:28 pm (UTC)
It's the belly button brush, right? Everyone wants that.
mariannelee
Dec. 10th, 2013 08:29 pm (UTC)
I want to give that soap dispenser to my 13yo twins for Christmas just to see their reactions.
anna_wing
Dec. 10th, 2013 09:56 am (UTC)
I'd fancy the poncho in mink, or peacock feathers. Hot pink rabbit, no.
burger_eater
Dec. 10th, 2013 06:29 pm (UTC)
They do offer different colors and other options. Just sayin'
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )