1) A wife who thinks people should always wear hats outside.
2) My big head.
No joke: it's hard to find a hat that fits me, which means I've worn many uncool baseball caps in my time. The latest and longest lasting was a bright red thing with the name "Terry" stitched across the front. My name isn't Terry. It's bad enough to walk around with a name on your clothes, but it's worse when it isn't even your name.
Anyway, I have a cap that fits (pretty much) and doesn't look too bad. But just yesterday Salad Eater brought home a new one for me to try on.
The second worst thing about this hat? It fit.
The absolute worst thing? How it looks.
Yeah, that's a hula dancer on the front, and yeah, the grass skirt she's wearing is made of brown thread.
No, I will not cut off the fringe, because no, she's not wearing underwear.
And my wife gave me this. You know, she says she loves me....